A guide for talking to a loved one about moving into a care home

An elderly woman in an armchair speaks with a middle-aged woman
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David Mance

Talking to a loved one about moving into a care home can be an emotional and sensitive conversation. It’s a topic that may bring up feelings of loss, fear, and resistance for everyone involved. Approaching the subject with empathy, respect, and understanding, while addressing the practicalities of their care needs, can help navigate this important conversation effectively.


10 Tips for Approaching the Conversation

1. Think About the Best Time and Place

Choose an appropriate time and setting for the discussion:

  • Avoid stressful times or when your loved one is unwell or overwhelmed.
  • Opt for a calm, quiet environment where you can speak privately without distractions.
  • Ensure the setting is familiar and comfortable for them.

2. Prepare

Take time to plan what you want to say and why a care home might be the best step.

  • Identify increasing health concerns, safety issues, or difficulties they face with daily tasks.
  • Gather information on different care home options, levels of care, and specific homes that meet their needs.
  • Be ready to address any anxieties or concerns they might raise.

3. Initiate the Conversation

Start gently and avoid making your loved one feel pressured.

  • Use empathetic language, such as:

    “I know it can be difficult to talk about these things, but I’ve noticed it’s becoming harder for you to manage at home.”

  • Present it as an option to consider:

    “I’ve been thinking about how we can make sure you’re well taken care of as things feel more challenging at home. What are your thoughts on this idea?”


4. Listen to Their Concerns

It’s common for your loved one to feel defensive or upset initially.

  • Validate their emotions by saying:

    “I can see this is upsetting for you, and I completely understand why you might feel that way.”

  • Address specific concerns thoughtfully:
    • Independence: Reassure them they’ll retain as much independence as possible.
    • Familiarity: Emphasise that they can personalise their room with belongings.
    • Visits and Contact: Highlight that family and friends can visit frequently.

Invite them to share their thoughts by asking:

“What would make you feel more comfortable about this idea?”


5. Focus on the Positive Aspects

Highlight the benefits of moving into a care home:

  • Access to personalised care tailored to their needs.
  • Around-the-clock medical care and assistance.
  • Opportunities for socialisation to combat loneliness.
  • Nutritious meals prepared for them daily.
  • No need to worry about cleaning or tidying.

6. Involve Your Loved One in the Decision-Making Process

Involve them as much as possible to maintain a sense of control:

  • Explore care home options together and visit potential homes.

    “How about we take a look at a few places together to see what you think?”

  • Ask about their preferences for location, type of care, and activities.

7. Provide Reassurance and Support

Reassure them that the decision is being made with their best interests in mind.

  • Emphasize your ongoing support:

    “I’m going to be with you through this whole process, and we’ll figure it out together.”

  • Continue the conversation over time and check in regularly.

8. Stay Patient

Recognize that an immediate decision may not be possible.

  • Give your loved one time to process and keep the dialogue open.

    “We can talk about this more as you need. I’m always here to answer your questions.”


Conclusion

Talking to a family member about moving into a care home is never easy, but with the right approach, it’s possible to have a positive and supportive conversation. By demonstrating empathy, listening actively, and respecting their feelings, you can help your loved one feel supported in making a decision that prioritises their well-being. Patience and ongoing support are key to ensuring the transition is as smooth as possible.

Sarah Mainwaring, Manager at Romans, says:

“If you’re considering a Keychange care home, feel free to reach out to us if you’re still feeling stuck with how best to approach this. We understand that it can be a hard conversation to have, and each person will respond differently.”